Repairing Insecure Attachments in Abused Kids
Creating Capacity for Secure Attachment in Maltreated Children
Sep 27, 2009
“Due to problems with social relationships, insecurely attached children may become even more isolated and withdrawn from their primary caregivers, family and friends. Often seen as 'bratty' or 'bullies', children with attachment disorders find it hard to form meaningful relationships with others. However, it is never too late to work on forming secure attachments", according to a 1998 Journal of Trauma article entitled “Violence Against Children: Physical Abuse in the United States.”
Child maltreatment trauma can take the form of severe psychiatric problems, and children are likely develop reactive attachment disorder. Disorganized attachment is normally associated with many different developmental problems that include dissociative symptoms and also anxiety, depression and acting-out symptoms.
Tips on Repairing an Insecure Attachment
Below are four tips on repairing an insecure attachment:
- Learn what creates a secure attachment. Attachment is an interactive process that requires both verbal and non-verbal skills. Emotional intelligence is critical to building a secure attachment. Every child is unique and will have different ways to be soothed.
- Provide support for the primary caregiver. The primary caregiver needs to be emotionally healthy, have adequate time, and the right skills to be attuned and responsive to the child’s needs. In some cases, the caregiver may simply be overwhelmed, and help with household or work responsibilities allows her to focus. Other caregivers may need more help, such as parenting classes, alcohol or drug treatment, or therapy for mental disorders such as emotional trauma or depression.
- Help the child express his or her needs. Children with attachment problems will need extra help in learning to express their needs. A child may have learned not to cry if in pain or frightened, for example, or not associate touch with being soothed. A child may revert to developmentally inappropriate behaviours if stressed or scared. It might take extra creativity and diligence on the caregiver’s part to help the child express needs safely and appropriately.
- Time, consistency and predictability are key. Problems in attachment result from problems with trust. By this very definition, repairing an attachment disruption takes time, consistency and patience. It will take time for a child to realize that he can trust and rely on his primary caregiver and other important people in his life. Children with attachment disruptions may be more sensitive to life changes and situations like travel, returning to school or holidays. Caregivers should be aware and as attuned to this as possible, helping to keep a normal schedule during unpredictable times.
Boundaries in Repairing an Insecure Attachment
For children with insecure attachments and attachment disorders, this conflict can be especially disturbing and scary—for both the children and the primary caregiver. The child may overreact, having a wild tantrum, or rapidly withdraw. He may temporarily show developmentally regressive behaviours, like rocking or trouble with toileting. Consistent, loving boundaries will help him develop the sense of trust he needs that the caregiver will be with him through thick and thin. These children also need to learn that no matter what they do, they will be loved and respected.
Children with severe attachment difficulties and their caregivers can benefit from professional treatment as well. Caregivers can learn tips and techniques for coping with their child and helping to repair the attachment. Therapists can help caregivers learn how their child communicates through play, for example, which allows many children to express feelings and desires they cannot verbalize. Attachment therapy should never be coercive or shaming to the child (Journal of Trauma).
In time and with patience, even severe attachment disorders can be repaired. Child maltreatment trauma can be extreme, and may depend on the severity of the abuse as well as the surrounding environment of the child. With a supportive as well as nurturing family and school environment, the child will be able to cope better with the trauma. An individual’s willingness to initiate repair can, in turn, strengthen the attachment bond.
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